Separation of topics

I have brought this topic up before to my wife and she has suggested it to be a good idea and I agree with her, but with this comes the task of coming up with some new titles for these new blogs, I will be separating these topics into three subsets: Computers/Technology/ Gaming, Religion/Politics, and lastly me... I will probably tend to always post to the blog you have come to read (Continual Conundrum) but these new blogs are topics that not everyone may be interested in reading, and that is the reason for the change.I hope that you ( my faithful reader) will still  read all of the topics; however, I do not want you to have to muddle through posts that you may not have any interest in.
Chances are I will favor one blog more than the others but I want to see how this may influence my future writings. Separation of topics is a good thing and there will be many interesting topics I will try to cover. Not only for you , but more importantly to help nourish this outlet that I was not aware was in me until recently.

So now it is time to come up with some catchy blog names!

Body cleansing

I feel that it is time for me once again to somehow motivate myself to continue on the journey I started several months ago. Initially I saw great strides and had excellent motivation, but lately I have fallen back into the same routine of eat whatever and not care about the consequence to my body. I want to be healthier, I want to not be in pain with my body, I want to be there for my wife and those that love me, but yet a sense of self loathing always seems to descend upon me and causes me to slip into these old habits. So how I ask can I make myself be more vigilante in my quest for longer life.....how.... any suggestions.

Tech Junkie

I have two addictions in my life. First is my wife, and second would be technology. I gave up one addiction  in 2003 for another and technology became my new addiction.Currently I am very passionate about learning whatever I can about computers and hopefully get paid from that passion. I build my own computers, I tend to favor building mid range gaming computers because it always works out to be cheaper than purchasing a pre-built. Building a computer for web browsing and email is not economical and I would always recommend just purchasing one from a retailer. Now I will state with extreme prejudice that if you were to ever purchase from retail locations please be aware that you will have to spend a few hours getting rid of the bloat ware they install ( like I did with my new laptop) not to mention customization to how you like it (backgrounds and music libraries). So since I have just gone through these steps myself I figured I would share some thoughts on what not to do with a new system when setting it up.

• Use Internet Explorer for only one thing and that is to download either Google chrome, or Mozilla Firefox. For the love of all that is good in the world avoid Internet Explorer like the plague.
• Install updates before you really even attempt to do anything on your system, sometimes you can be lucky and have very few updates to do  (depending on the release of the OS and any service packs that are associated)  but they are of utmost importance for the security of your system. Primarily security fixes for Windows  and graphics driver updates.
• Install an Anti-virus and I personally will never recommend Mcafee or Norton because they are resource hogs (and yes I have heard that they have gotten better, but to little to late)  I have my bias when it comes to the programs but everybody who cares about the stability and security of their systems will. So what would I recommend you may be asking, and I would have to say that AVG has always been a good security suite for me , it is highly customizable for scheduling of updates and scans, and catches and quarantines without many issues.The other program I have been using for a while is Microsoft Defender ( and their malicious software removal as well) it has pretty basic settings and is updated quite frequently and so far have not really had an issue.
• Passwords are of utmost importance. please do not be a slouch when it comes to creating passwords. The harder it is for you to remember a password then the harder it will be for your password to be discovered. One of the easiest things I can recommend  is getting a little black book for addresses and right the passwords and associated websites down inside.
• Bloat ware! Get rid of it if you are not going to use it. A lot of the time manufactures put software on your system to help reduce the cost to you, and sometimes that software is complete crap (Wild Tangent games come to mind) particularly with HP they have a “software assistant” that I uninstall because it is of no use if you learn to set up a schedule of checking for updates yourself.  Most of the times the drivers have a self detect utility that you can run  and it will identify what your hardware is and what specifically you need to update (if any at all), but most of all updates should only come from trusted sources, and those happen to be the manufacturers websites and windows updates that are built into the control panel on your computer.
• Customization will be the last thing I will mention and because it is last it is also the least important of the items I have gone over. Customizing your computer is what will make your computer yours though, whether it is a background or even applying stickers to your laptop make the computer and extension of the things you like.

So I hope that the things I have learned over the years can be of some benefit to you and your computer. Do you have a question to ask about your computer by all means ask, and if I can help I surely will.

To Dos

We often say what it is we want to do in life and I am no different. I look forward to a time that I am able to not have to worry about wok and can spend leisure time with my wife doing whatever it is we want to do. Traveling is always at the top of the list of things to do and I would have to say in that regard we are no different. I can list three places off of the top of my head that I would like to take my wife to see and they are as follows.

#1

Redwood Forest, Northern California. One of the most majestic and awe inspiring sights I have ever seen. I have not been there since I was a teenager, and the only thing that beat it was the Grand Canyon. To be honest this is the only place I can see myself camping ever again, and for me to say that it has to be a special place.

 

#2

Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs, CO

Another destination I remember from my youth that I find that I just can’t think of a better place to see before it’s all over (I know that sounds morbid but couldn’t think of another way to put it) the views here are majestic and breath taking. I think the other alluring aspect of this destination is the proximity to 2 other locations nearby, Canon City, CO and Pikes Peak , these are two other places from my childhood that I remember vividly (specifically almost going down Pikes Peak the wrong way) and would love to share with her.

 

#3

This location is a bit more difficult to choose not because I can’t think of one , but because I think I have set the bar very high with my previous picks, and that I feel that anything I may choose would be considered inferior in scale and beauty. However, I believe that for this one the location would be across the ocean and would require so much time that I think a lifetime would not be long enough to explore and see all that we wanted. I speak of Europe and all of its many locations that are not only picturesque but also enchanting to the point that it hurts. whether it is Scotland, Ireland, Germany, France, England, Italy, or Spain each has destinations that we both want to see. Aside from the most obvious destinations I would also like to visit some of the more less publicized destinations like Prague, and even Romania just because I would really like to see some of the old world architecture.

 

Like I said at the beginning of this post travel is probably the most popular to do item on everyone's list.While there are other locations I would love to see in the world (Japan and Australia) these would for sure be at the top of my list of places to take my wife.

One day……..

Technorati Tags: travel,Redwood Forest,Garden of the Gods,Europe,Japan,Australia,To Do

Elephants and Kangaroos like bubble gum....now that I got your attention.

Don't let the title fool you it actually has nothing to do with what I am about to write, but I was thinking to myself why I usually post a title that is overtly relevant to the post I type afterwards. So I have decided to change it up. Whether or not I will stick with it remains to be seen.

So I guess I will hit the big news of the month/week/microsecond and that is how our government is even more lost with than at any other time in this country's short history. So yay we are going to pay our bills, my boss's wife gets to go back to work (and gets back pay for the time missed) and all is well. Until January when we have to go through all of this political bullshit again. What is the answer? I don't know, but I do know this, politicians are so disconnected from there constituents that the only time they are about the populous is when poll numbers start to shrink. When did it become about parties ideals and political money making machines? I think it has been more so over the past 20 years, I am not 100% certain but I think it could not have been this bad in the 60's or 70's even, and if it was why do you not hear of how bad the party political partisanship was then. Maybe it is because we have actually had the proverbial "jumping the shark" moment. I think America jumped the shark when we started to stray away from what what our founding fathers actually envisioned out of a country, and not what we interpreted they envisioned. My interpretation of everything I was ever taught about the constitution and bill of rights is simply this, as an American I get to be who I want, how I want, and where I want. whether it is Jewish, Catholic, Homosexual, tattooed, one legged, capitalistic, socialistic, communistic, or whatever my heart desires to be. America was the place where those things were considered a "god given" right because this was the land of the free after all, however it seems like nowadays it's better to be hypocritical while we live our daily lives.

I did say this post was going to be a whopper, and well I think by opening up with politics is either blogging suicide or just enough to keep you reading up to this point and further, and I do hope it is further.

So here's my ideas for steps to a better America.

• Term Limits - The president can only serve for a maximum of 8 years , so why is it that senators and congress members have no limits. Set term limits to match the president, or better yet how about half the amount. Elections every 2 years with a maximum of 4 years and after those 4 years you get a small pension (nothing like their current "retirement pension") and is you are in the senate you still have the ability to go upwards within the government.
• Law Books- Go through the laws and gut them. We have laws that probably counter other laws (don't quote me on that) and laws at city, state, and the federal level that need to be expunged. When these laws are redone do not base them off of religious doctrine, do not base them off of veiled corporate funding (lobbyists), and lastly word them with the wording of the people and not the wording of "lawyer speak" if the average person does not understand the law then what is the point of even writing it down for people to follow.
• Cut the fat, cut programs that have no reason of being aside to serve some paragraph of an obscure bill that is passed with the interests of a certain party members district benefiting from it, look at our methodology and streamline it, dammit this is fucking 2013 let's start acting like and put technology to use in the proper ways and formats, after all weren't computers supposed to lead us to a paperless world in regards to business and administration.
• Voting! Got a license, you vote. if you don't then suspend the license(this will greatly increase the turnout), I guarantee that will get people to the polls more. Don't have a license State issued ID works just the same. Don't want to get an ID tough shit you don't get to vote. Seems harsh don't it? tough shit! Enough coddling of our society, it is making us weak as a nation (and believe you me I am not no extremists but I do think we are turning into a nation of pussies.
• Legalize weed, yep I said it, legalize weed and tax the ever living shit out of it like we do to cigarettes. Must be 18 to purchase , just like cigarettes, and enforce it just like we do with DUI infractions. Chances are that if pot were legal then you would probably see a drop in usage. There would definitely be less felons in our prisons.
• Believe it or not we can have social programs while being a capitalist society, but we also need to learn that regulations are killing us and driving jobs elsewhere. Yes we are in a global job market now and things are really different than they were 1 even 2 decades ago. The days of leaving school (high school) and going out and getting a job are behind us, the need for a better preparedness for students is even more relevant now and will only get worse as the years go on. Schools should be a place of learning and not a place of telling, students should be engaged in what it is they are learning, just telling them history is not enough, to really have students learn they will have to be engaged. And god forbid we actually offer programs that encourage arts, music, and other creative outlets for students.

This is just a short list of things that I think about, and even though I know some of them may sound extreme but I have to say that if you have a better idea than don't hesitate to discuss it with me, who knows maybe one day we'll be ale to take our ideas all the way to the white house!

So religion.....ya about that....it's a sham...but I think that is a conversation that  would be better on a one on one basis.

So I got a new laptop for schooling purposes and let me just say that while I can see a future for tablets being in higher use at schools in the future , we are not there yet. The "textbooks" that are often advertised are so obscure or still have so many issues do to improper formatting, programming, or whatever issues arise for newer technology. Like I said though..not yet but I can for sure see a future where textbooks will no longer be the racket that it is. And speaking of a racket, E-books costing the same as paperback and hardback  books is fucking ridiculous. I am definitely in the wrong business, I really need to find out how to become a textbook publisher.

So back to the task at hand, and that is letting you in on my life, my thoughts, and my views on things. On a very personal level it seems that I am getting into my old habits of eating what I want when I want, I swear to you I would never wish the constant struggle with weight loss on my worst enemy. It is a struggle, the smallest inlet of stress seems to be the pebble that always breaks my fat back. Yes I am sick of being fat, yes I wish I could be like my friend Louie who could probably eating anything he wanted throughout the day and never put on a pound, and that in a roundabout way pisses me off and stresses me out; which, you guessed it makes me eat more. Yes being fat is a disease, it is mental as well as physical, but I would have to say the most that it is a mental disorder. Bot being a doctor I can't say it for sure , but I do think my 38 years of fat assness actually gives me some sort of insight.

last topic before I close out for the night, I got a beta invite to the new Blizzard game coming out, Hearthstone, and it is confirmed I suck at it, also it does have a lot of random aspects to it (that's what I am telling myself anyways) and after 5 losses in a row I finally got my hunter, and now I just have to start building up my cards for it, if I understand it correctly there will not be a reset after this section of testing. Even though I suck at it I am actually looking forward to playing it more because it does seem like it has some great potential.

It's time for some new ramblings!

Soon to be posted! Soon¤¿¤
                                              

Why I am a PC fan boy and I will not apologize for it.

     There is going to be quite a tizzy happening in a couple months time when the new consoles are released here in America. There will be a new debate about what is better PC or console, this debate has been raging now for quite sometime. I can recall renting PC (yep you read that right) games back in 1996 when I lived in Roswell, New Mexico and being impressed by the graphics when compared to the console that I had at that time. Flash forward 17 years and the battle of gaming platforms still rages.

     Current generation consoles seemed to be at a disadvantage when they were released due to the hardware choices their respective comapnies made for instance when the PS3 and Xbox360 were released( November 2006 and November 2005 respectively) they both had similar powered processing cores, a very minimal amount of RAM and graphics chips that at the time were a solid 2 generations behind current PC standards (and I dont mean top of the line PC components either). WhileMicr osoft chose to go with the now defunct format of HD-DVD as an add on to their system Sony chose to go with the now widely used Blu-Ray format. Both systems however were very light when compared to the hardware that was available to PC's at the time

    Flame wars will undoubtedly increase between these two corporate behemoths fans but we must look at several of the key factors of why now is the time for them to release these systems and introduce a new ecosystem of hardware and software into an already saturated market. Currently video games are made for consoles, and then if it is released for the PC market it is usually a poorly done port, also when ported the game looks no better than the console version even if the PC running the game is more than capable of better results. This has brought on the resurgence of "indie" developers in the PC market, for some reason they are not using the more popular tools available to them because of licensing costs associated with the different game engines that are available. Indie developers tend to develop for the 8-bit and 16-bit look and mostly I believe this is due to cost issues with the game engines (unreal, source,unity) needed to create more graphically complex games. The one thing that these indie developers have shown is that there is still ingenuity in the industry even with all the different franchises and their many sequels that seem to clog the market. Very much like the music industry of yore, the more advertising and hype a game gets the better it does (with some exceptions, yes I am looking at you Duke Nukem reboot) and the more money it makes for a company (2K, EA, Activision) .

     Publishers have many factors to consider when releasing a game. They have their own internal development studios, outside studios they have struck deals with, and also outsourced entities for not only "internal" operations, but also manufacturing and all the intricacies that go along with the final release of games. Poor management is what is bringing these companies into a unfavorable light with the average consumer, as companies continue to care more about their stockholders than their consumer they will end up paying a price that is even more costly than their bottom line. Companies are paying for services that produce discs, manuals, inserts (maps,dlc vouchers,and other promotional items) sometimes for pennies on the dollar, and in turn charging a extremely high premium for games (usually $60 a game)  yet there is opportunity to make more money with a different model. Currently the new push is for a digital model which can be very profitable,if they rethink the pricing strategy that is currently in place.

     Imagine if by going full digital in certain areas of the world (because worldwide the infrastructure is not currently in place to allow for full digital distribution),would allow for games to be priced at a lower starting price point (this is more than doable when less than one year after release PC games can be had at times for sometimes 75% of the original price) when taking out the equation of raw materials and associated labor it should in turn bring down the cost of games. The trend of 6 months after release games can be gotten for a fraction of their price at launch, why not settle for a lower price point to sell more copies of a game. The argument can be made that by going full digital the choice is taken out of the consumers hand of where they are able to purchase their games; however, the opportunity actually increases for more competition in the marketplace. Currently you can walk into a Gamestop, Best Buy, and even local supermarkets and pick up prepaid gift cards for everything from Red Lobster , Amazon, penguin club, and even Xbox Live. I know personally throughout the last year I have seen several instances of the Xbox Live cards being on sale on Amazon and this is how the marketplace will work, by offering cards and codes at a discounted rate. Relying on the consumer to spend more than what they originally intended stores (online and big box) can make money in this fashion. There is a term for this business model and had I been more attentive in business class I would tell ya what that term is, but I do not recall what the term is. This method of selling (and purchasing) has become the case because we are living in a time of change, and this change has impacted everything from the way we purchase items, plan our futures, and even something as small ( or as big as, depending on your point of view) as purchasing your gaming system that you are going play on for the foreseeable future.

     Now if you are still reading at this point you have apparently had no issues with my grammatical errors and  my very lopsided  stance on the PC and console debate. If you got a take on this let me know I like healthy debate and I cherish the opportunity to be turned to another belief. I would very much like to see consoles become more open to pricing changes.
     I would also like to see gaming publishers/developers be more open to user created content and not relying on DLC to be a continued cash income for games. I welcome the days of user created maps for games like Battlefield, Call Of Duty and others like it was not so many years ago.
     I would like to also call for all of the gaming community to be of a higher echelon, gone are the days when we relied upon server admins to police the places we play, as more games offer multi player capabilities we are going to see less opportunity to host these games  and mods on rented servers, even if that opportunity still exists, the modding of said servers tends to be unsanctioned by the game publisher/developers because they want a playing field to be more fair and balanced ( which we all want a game to be fair and hack free but yet we don't want choice taken away from the consumer)  and allow for their own brand of sometimes justified policing of servers, and also sometimes unjustified.

     Now I know I am sometimes all over the place but I have an excuse today, since I have been watching my favorite football team play today while I was typing this, and they got a win, so for awhile my mind was distracted and I blame them for any lack of cohesion in this post. Also I think I may be making a separate blog where I can talk about technology that I find interesting, and keep this blog to a more personal tone because I feel sometimes the tone should remain consistent with the topics that have been read prior.

   
One last thing before I go...I miss playing with my buds so if you see me on send me an invite and chances are I will play. This is the one thing I miss most about playing world of Warcraft, I miss the interactions with others so hit me up if you get the chance.

writing..it's not for everyone.

So I have been trying to think of the possible things that I might enjoy doing since it seems that lately video games have not been able to satisfy my craving for entertainment. Recently in my English class we went over a essay that is in one of our books about free writing. Free-writing is a concept that goes a little something like this: put pen to paper and write for a certain amount of time ( 10-15 minutes) and don't edit yourself. While I find this to be a helpful exercise for class , I can say that as far as a replacement activity I don't think it is for me. My attention span does not work well with extended periods of concentration, as much as I would like to think that someday I might be able to write something meaningful or even something witty that would be seen by the masses, I think writing is not that outlet for me.

I have recently also tried my hand at making videos to post on youtube and streaming live on twitch.tv but again these are things that take time to edit, as well as the fact that there are already countless other people on-line making these types of videos and already have a foothold on their niche what ever that may be. While I will keep making videos I can probably say that they will only be of the non professional quality.

The one thing I have noticed since I have been back in school and dealing with classes that are of more interest to me. My interest in school has increased 10 fold to the point that I wish I was able to go full time. Currently I am what is considered a ¾ time student I am taking three courses and so far the two computer classes have been very compelling to me; however, my interest in English is still at an all time low, I do not know how I can garner more interest in it. I know that the college system wants people to have a good understanding of how the English language works and by all accounts we should have that understanding after high school. I feel that even though there is one aspect of the class that may be beneficial in the long run and that is covering critical thinking, now I would say that this would be a very good topic to cover for someone who is coming out of high school but for someone that has already been in the working world for the past 20 years, somehow real world experiences would account for something. Regardless I will follow through with what the school deems is necessary for my degree I can honestly say that I do not think I will actually pursue my 4 year degree for a couple of different reasons, most notably my extreme dislike of math and while I can see that if a person was going to seek a degree involving engineering or finance of some sort the path that
I am choosing to follow should not require the extent that colleges want.

This might be where I say that as a structured society and civilization where education is prevalent in many different parts of the world, I think the pyramid framework for education is wrong and needs to be corrected. Life experience should not only be take in to consideration when a student enrolls in college but it should be a building block from where to progress from when someone applies.

Now I shall continue this later but I think my soapbox is only going to continue to grow.... who knows maybe writing is something that I deep down do have a desire to speak my voice through words so that you may read them.

This is going to hurt...

So I am finding that I am finding it harder and harder to play the plethora of video games I have  in my collection. This is not because I dislike video games, I think it is because for 7 years I played a game that so many elements of social interaction in it that I got spoiled with continually having people to play with and generally something to do. Now that I have not played World of Warcraft since April of this year it seems as though I have been longing for those days of yore where I had interactions with those I considered friends. I have school taking up a lot of the time in my life and now that I am through with math ( at least I hope I am) and the classes I am taking are more interesting to me I am burning through homework and finding that the class load is very time manageable ( where the last couple of semesters seemed rather stressful at times, and I really hope I am not jinxing myself by saying this)  and therefore some extra time that I did not have the past couple of semesters. So logic would say that this would be the perfect time to get some gaming in, but with a lack of social interaction I am finding the games to be lacking even if the story is good  (yet there rarely is an original story anymore) and am now at a point where I need to find a way to occupy my mind more actively and this is where my conundrum falls because I have no earthly idea what it is that interests me. So now I must try to find my new outlet for creative stimulation I would very much like to get better at writing , as I am sure you have noticed I type as if I am speaking and not as if I am writing. I will try and get better at this but there is no guarantee ...but we shall see... I will try to update this more frequently with these whimsical writings, Once again faithful reader I thank you for coming along for the ride.

BTS

Are you ready for some. .....

Pre season usually means very little to me but I think this season will be better than last season. At least that is my hope.

Summer reading list

So or local library offers digital and audio books that can be checked out just by using my library card. So far this summer I have read roughly 10 percent of a book called Blood of Requiem and it has very good potential to be my second book actually read by me on the Kindle; however, audio books have become a very wonderful surprise to my ears I am about to finish my second one this year the first being Apocalypse Z which was a decent listen. Currently though I am listening to 12 Years a Slave by Solomon Northrop
And it is very good however it seems that not only is it a story about a man who is kidnapped and sold into slavery but also seems to be a book using words that don't seem to be used in todays stories or maybe it is and I just don't read enough. Next on my list is A clash of kings since it seems that watching the second season is something my wife for whatever reason does not want to do so maybe I just might be able to get caught up with where the show is.  Anyways that's what I have been reading, how about you? Are there any good books you would recommend?

Also any errors in words can be blamed on the fact that I am using my phone to write this.

Thou shall not commit hypocrisy

So I was listening to the radio while on the way to work today and I heard a story about a new law being passed in North Dakota regarding the ability  to conceal and carry while at church. I know little about religion and have never been a political enthusiast,yet this does not seem to be the best of locations for this law to be in place.

One of the ten commandments (if I remember correctly) is "Thou shall not kill" so the first tyat pulls out there weapon to defend people in a church is in fact committing a sin. Seems pretty hypocritical to me. But it goes to show one of the many flaws of this country. Now don't get me wrong but it just seems like the church officials would actually want nothing to do with this law since it goes against one of their teachings.

Why would you allow someone tobe armed in a church a place that should be teaching about tolerance and kindness instead is passing that it's okay to shoot.
So you might be saying that I'm some sort of gun hating liberal, but I assure you I am not. As a matter of fact for Christmas I bought a double pack of gift certificates for shooting time at a gun range and used them on my anniversary with my wifeso that should deflate that argument.

The point I am trying to get across is that just because a politician wants to enact a law does not mean it is a good idea whether it is Obama care or concealing a weapon at a place of worship.

So anyway I think I am done rambling for this post, like it or hate it these are thoughts that are in my head and sometimes I just need to get them out.

These biatches is cray cray!

So it has been a while since I have made a post for your viewing pleasure and I thought I would liven your day up by allowing you to read the words that are in my head. Oh yeah also my wife is a taskmaster and has been getting on me for a new post(Love you honey!) so here it is.

Today I am going to cover a few different topics so here comes the first one. 

The Galaxy S4 has become somewhat of an obsession with me, I have been reading about the different advancements in phones for the past year and a half and I really must say the S4 really caught my attention out the gate. It is sleek looking, has an immense amount of features that even I don't think I could ever use them all (although the ability to snap pictures from front and rear cameras at the same time seems rather awesome) but that does not mean I would not try.I love the size of the screen as it is not too big like a phablet would be (galaxy  Note) and not smaller like the one I currently have ( which I think is 3.8" maybe 4") and even though the size may not seem like a huge difference , trust me it is. but I think the thing I would like the most is a better performing device compared to the Nexus S that I have now. So If you wanna make donations towards this upgrade of mine just contact me :o)

For the second topic I would like to touch upon is something I brought up in my last post and that is weight loss. This past week was kind of a weird week, the week actually started over the weekend when we had friends over to celebrate my wife's birthday party. Well all I can say is that the food was great the friends were awesome and the weight loss was not happening, even though I walked (although not as much as I could have) I ended up gaining 3lbs and I felt like I failed and it affected the rest of my week, between stops at urban burrito and being really bad at Wendy's I think this week might end up being a wash also; however, I will get back on track and keep pushing through.

So my last topic kind of ties into my last one and it is about music. I created a playlist for when I am walking and found that certain songs keep me going and motivated while others (no matter how much I might like the band or the song) did not, for example I never would have thought that LMFAO would be in rotation but surprisingly the "sorry for party rocking" has one hell of a beat that gets me going, I actually prefer that the song comes on later in my workout than earlier because it provides a nice pick up in my pace. So for those out there that have music playing while they workout I ask of you, What is your favorite music to listen to while working out?

I am including some videos in this post to show some of the songs that get me going.

When did the world become a meme?

     I got a few things I would like to say tonight.

     First I would like to talk about my progress to be healthier and live a better life. We(my wife and mom) are doing very well on our journey to be better.  Currently we are three weeks in and I am down 10lbs and I added another milestone to my walks by reducing the amount of time it takes to walk a mile. When I first started I averaged 19 minutes and 40 seconds and today I hit 17 minutes and 07 seconds on 3.6 miles. I think I could have done better if I had not gotten a cramp in my thigh. I wanted to give up and I called my wife to come get me but as I kept walking it worked itself out and I kept going. It was said to me that I don't need to push myself so hard and the only response I can say to that is, Yes I do, If I do not then who will do it for me, and the answer is nobody. Now I will not overdo it and I will not put myself in a position where trying to get healthy will actually do me more harm than good. I know my body (well except for when I found out I had diabetes, that threw me for a complete loop) and I will not go to far but I will stop just before I get there.

     Secondly I got my RAM back from Corsair. Well technically it is new RAM but still I am super excited to maybe get some stability in my rig that has bothered it for so long. I also started looking at water cooling components and also a new processor to put in my rig eventually but that will be down the line a while before I can do that.

     Now for the third item it may seem a bit off topic from what I normally ramble about but it is something that has really kept my mind wondering over the past few days since I first heard about it. Nelson Mandela is in the hospital again and it is not looking very good for him. The former president of South Africa has been battling lung infections and even got better for a brief period of time before this last admittance into the hospital. Writing about Nelson Mandela is not something I thought I would ever go out of my way to do; however, I find this man to be a very positive person on this planet and I think that his presence when he is gone will be sorely missed. I did not pay attention to politics when I was younger and to be quite honest I think politicians are all lying scum that are only in it to advance their own vane attempt at self worth. Nelson Mandela is the polar opposite of what I just described and I think that is because he was a person who had an idea before he became a politician and I personally think that even after he became the president of South Africa it was more of just a way for him to bring hope to a group of people that had suffered at the hands of others for so long. I am to young to have been around for great leaders and people of our past, those that impacted the world in more ways than just leaving a sound bite or famous quote, I was not alive to have been able to witness the impact and the struggle that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. went through nor was I alive to witness the pain and struggles that Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Mahatma Gandhi) had to endure in the liberation of his people. I was alive though for the fight Nelson Mandela fought and I consider myself lucky that I will be able to say to someone down the line that I to got to witness a part of history that will never be just a footnote in the dwellings of history books. Although, as I write this Nelson Mandela is still alive in a South Africa hospital the prognosis is very grim and I know that when he does pass I hope that humanities problems may just stop for a moment and realize what we have just lost, not only was he a: father, husband, son, and brother. This man became a symbol of freedom in land that had truly needed to break the bonds of mental slavery.

     Lastly I would like to say to those of you reading this blog, thank you. This blog has become a way for me to release mentally and I never thought to do this before. Even though I may get extra grim or down in some of my writings I feel that it has helped me to have a better mindset  throughout the day and that is something I am real happy about. I never thought that writing (no matter how bad my spelling and punctuation is) would be an outlet I would explore but yet here I am sharing my new experience with you.

BTS

Adrift in a sea of pixels

     So I have been browsing the past few days looking for something new and shiny to ingest in to the mush that is my brain. I have been looking at everything from movies, TV shows, video games, and I am even reading a new book ( I went from Game of Thrones to a book highlighting conversations with H.H. Dali Lama). Now while this may seem normal to want to find variety with entertainment and I must say that I am like everyone else in that regard. However, currently between all the books that are in my wife's collection and what I have in mine (which quite honestly is just one big collection; although, her selections outnumber mine), over 400 movies in our collection, countless amounts of movies that I can stream and roughly 100 games at my disposal (don't ask how many I have actually beaten) I am still restless when it comes time to find something that will occupy my mind.
    
     I am a big proponent of technology; however, new devices that are continually being invented, improved upon, and thought up are becoming more of a detraction thus lessening the interconnection that we as humans had always had for centuries prior. Whether or not this is the reason that our world is in such disarray or not I do not know. What I do know is this, my wife and I owned a house in Florida for three years yet I could not tell you a single neighbors name. Where we currently live aside from the occasional friendly hand wave or nod to signify hello, I know nothing really about my neighbors. Although this may not sound uncommon it is not healthy for us as  a species, we need the times of the past to be more prevalent. A time when people actually cared more about their community and what was happening around them.
    
     I must admit even as I type this that I can't help but think that the book I am reading is influencing my thoughts on this matter but I think that is a good thing because if  there was one thing I could have cared less about it was a community mentality.As I get older though I start to think about all manner of things that I never cared about when I was younger, I am starting to read the news a bit more, I am more concerned with what is happening globally and how this might impact me and my family and lastly I am more concerned with how what I am saying and doing impacts others around me.
    
     And I think technology has led us to believe that we have a wall (kind of like this wall of text)that we think shields us when in reality it really does the exact opposite. The wall is more of a mirror it actually reflects our true personalities for better or worse, whether it is responding to a comment on a website that then is taken out of context or is interpreted the wrong way and a flame war begins or something as simple as being an outright jerk to someone intentionally in whatever online forum you choose ( Facebook, Twitter, message boards), the consequences can be very harsh because I think we all forget that once we interject our personal thoughts, opinions, or hyperbole then it is out there on the internet forever. Years from now when scholars look back at the time that we are in now, would you rather them say that your words were like that of a Hemingway or C.S. Lewis or would you rather be unknown because the words you spouted did not even rate a footnote in the history of time.

     Me personally I want to be known as a person that people liked and knew that they could count on and not just a person that like their status on Facebook. So you might be wondering how this relates to the original idea of a restless mind that I mentioned not to long ago. I can't really say that it connects but I would very much like to thank you for coming along for the ride as my mind wrestles with restlessness. And if at times it seems like points A and B don't have a direct connection to one another then you should be in my head where sometimes I skip directly to Z. While this may be at times confusing for you the reader, imagine how it is for me inside my own head.

BTS

Apply yourself...

Scott Johnson Rocks!

So today I received a treat in the mail from an artist that I think is really awesome in many different realms of entertaining. His name is Scott Johnson and he is the founder of Frogpants.com  and also My Extra Life .He has his hands in many different pots but the things I enjoy from him the most are the podcast shows he produces and his comics that I find to be very entertaining. Well a couple of weeks ago he had tweeted that he would be sending out signed print copies to those that went to his website on free comic book day, today I received mine. The prints he has available on his store always intrigue me but there were only two that I had hoped to get..ok maybe three... and the picture you see above is what I got which was second only to his Admiral Ackbar print... the thing I find most awesome about getting this particular print today is how lately I have changed my life and "Apply Yourself" has a whole new meaning behind it for me. So thank you Scott Johnson, not only for a emotional pick me up in what has been a rough couple of weeks but also for creating the things you do .

Sitting on the porch...

So I am sitting here on the porch with my beautiful wife and we are enjoying a wonderful night here in western North Carolina I look up and see the big dipper above. Even though there is a stream of cars from the highway down the hill the sounds of crickets and bugs fill the air. Sometimes just sitting in silence is one of the things I find most meditative and relaxing .
So as we sit here I can't help but wonder when contact will be made, extraterrestrial possibilities have always been of great fascination to me. The possibility that other beings inhabit the universe is something I am sure we will find out but when and how we make contact is another subject. I know it is a dream that won't happen before I die but then again I never fathomed we would have the technology that allows us to communicate  with someone on the other side of the world with a little device no bigger than a wallet. So I guess after all is said and done the simple fact is we should all appreciate all the moments we have no matter how small they are and how fleeting they may be ...enjoy them all cause  they do matter.

Catch 22…not the book

 

So I went to my first funeral over the weekend and I must say I don’t like them. Shocker I know, I don’t think anybody likes funerals; however, I think the reason for my dislike comes not from the process or the many different steps that go on during the funeral but that to me a funeral should be more about remembering a person and the times of laughter. Instead it was very solemn. I know some of you reading might be saying “ Really Brian, where are you going with this?”

Well this is where I am going, I have been on this planet for 37 years and I have seen both my parents die, all of my grandparents, one uncle, and one aunt; not one time did I ever go to a funeral whether it was due to my age or whatever reason I have never been exposed to the funeral process. So I was asked by the widow of my friend to be a pall bearer and I was very honored to be one, but what I wanted to do more than anything in the world was to hug her and let her know it will get better, and tell her that in time the pain does stop and is replaced with tears of joy rather than sorrow, but instead I performed my duties as a pall bearer and carried the casket.

So why didn’t I hug her and tell her these things, I think mainly because I think we all know these things I mentioned to be evident even during times of great sorrow, I also know she has the support of such a great family that will never let her reach bottom and that is because of how much love they have for her. And for those reasons this is why I felt that she did not need to hear these words from me but from those that will feel this grief along with her in a more personal manner that, even though I considered the man to be almost like a brother to me, I can not make their healing process less difficult, only their inner family circle will find the best way to deal with this tragic circumstance.

Now my wife and I had a long drive back last night and we talked about a lot of things but one question that was asked of me was, “Are you ok?”, yes I am. Even though I may have lost a great friend I also had a very kind, twisted, funny, loving, and truly inspirational friend in my life that I will never forget and I guarantee that nobody will ever say “stuffy” to me the same way ever again, because after all he is the man that started that nickname and it is one I wear with immense pride because it came from such an awesome person.

So Mike I bid you a fond farewell and I hope I will see you again.

 

 

Computers... love/hate

So I'm sitting here before I go on a job interview troubleshooting my computer for another company for what I am sure will be hours on end  again. My first go around was with SOE the makers of DCUO and dealing with CRC errors well never the course of a month I finally borrowed memory from my friend Louie and even though it was half what my system had I have only run into one issue and that was when I was trying to install far cry 3 on my system and more CRC errors appeared; however, this I do not believe to be the cause of the memory because after validating some files and download and replacement the install went fine. So not to bore you anymore than I already am. What amazes me is that in the world we live in today and the technology that is available I don't understand why it is we are still having to use such a remedial program to test something like memory. Don't get me wrong the program does what it is supposed to do but you just feel like we should be further along when it comes to tech support. I guess maybe this is my way of bitching but at the same time it puts so many ideas into my head of programs/apps that can be developed.

So if anyone out there knows of a company willing to pay for the ideas and have someone else build it I am available. Otherwise I think as much tech as we have it still is in diapers and needs to be changed.

An uphill battle

 

 

 

I’m fat

There, I said it. Does it make you less uncomfortable? it’s a statement that I have said many times before. I have usually said these words as a defense mechanism to get the words in before someone else does. After all who doesn’t love a guy who can make fun of his most obvious characteristic. That is me the fat guy who can make fun of, not care about, or down right not give a shit about the things that I should care about.

Now do not get me wrong I care about things, I love things, and I give a shit about some things. However, in my life it seems the one thing I never cared about, loved or gave a shit about was, me. And that has to change because the things I do care about , the things I love and the things I give a shit about  do care, love, and give a shit about me.

No matter how much I may put up my defenses to keep people at a distance for fear of rejection(I am not sure what type but rejection nevertheless) and the discomfort that comes along with the rejection. I try to always be good by the people I care about, I will be a loyal defender, a shoulder to lean on, and one of the most protective people you will ever know. Although I am all of those things the one thing I am not is secure in myself, I don’t know why , I can not recall a time in my life where something triggered this. I don’t recall a person that picked on me and called me names (although my last name was used in some quite and also not so quite creative ways) and made me feel utterly devastated.

 

 

I have been lazy, no motivation, and have had no drive to ever be skinny(I just want to be comfortable in my own skin) because I felt it was society that was dictating the standards of what we should all look like. I also think that todays standards are totally different for children growing up. I grew up in a household where vegetables where usually from a can and not from the farmers market , Coke was the preferred drink of choice and water was what was used to boil the spaghetti noodles, and what I ate was not regulated as well as should have been. So what you’re probably thinking is that sounds like an excuse, nope it is not because I don’t blame my parents for me being overweight. They signed me up for football when I was younger, I participated in the school Olympics when they would have them (I loved the high jump, which is odd because I got like a 2 inch vertical jump) and I even loved soccer on the playground when I was younger. So what happened, I don’t know. I do know as silly as it may sound  but I was at my physical peak when I played football in the 5th grade(I’ll let that sink in for a moment) and I loved going to the practices. So I guess I have to find that drive that I had back in fifth grade and rekindle it now.

 

 

Sometimes a wakeup call is needed in life, and this week I got mine when I lost a friend. Now I’m not saying the guy was the picture of perfect health but he wasn’t worrying about making another notch in his belt either. I loved this guy like a brother because I never felt like I had to put up my wall around him. I never felt like he thought of me as the fat guy. I did however feel that whenever he talked to me even though he had a smart ass way about him (which I will miss immensely) he was a genuine person, pull no punches, and tell it like it is. And maybe I am reading into his death to much but I look at this as him telling it like it is. And that I need to wake the fuck up and quit him hawing through life and get shit done, I need to get shit done health wise, I need to get it done schooling wise, and I need to make my life better for those that are in my life. More importantly I need to do these things for my life, because no matter how cynical or how much of a screw it attitude I may have the fact of the matter is, I enjoy life, I love those around me, and I want to be there as much as I can for them.

 

So we(my family) have decided to make a change, a permanent change for the better. Although we are starting out small I think we just have to keep reminding ourselves that what may seem small now, will reward us more once our journey is complete. Although it may be an uphill battle this is a battle that we are going to win.

 

Grief is never easy....

Memories are all I have now of a man that passed yesterday, a man that laughed like no other, a man that no matter how stressed or busy he was at work would take the time to help you out, never once did he ever say no, he may have said, "give me a minute" or "leave it here and I'll take care of it" but he never said no.

Why is it that a person who can be so selfless is one that gets taken away so early; when we have people on this world that do not deserve to take another breath; however, we lose one of the good ones, one that loved his family, one that had a passion for so much.

Normally I would post some sort of self examination, some form of trying to understand a little bit more about myself, but tonight as i sit here in bed the only thing I care about is hopefully being remembered in the regard that I hold this man. I never have been good with words and that is part of the reason why I started this whole blogging thing, but if there was a person who was never shy to speak up it was Mike and I hope one day I can only hope to have the outward personality that he displayed, I don't think there is anyone on this planet that is like Mike and I am glad for that because I only want there to be one, and now he is gone but he will never ever be forgotten. Ever!

Windows 8 help tips - Wheres my printer?

The cyclone that is my thoughts..

 

So I try to always think things through before I say something that may come back to bite me, but now I am thinking maybe I shouldn’t be so concerned with these things as others don’t. Now it may seem like that’s a negative view towards something that deserves more thought; however, I don’t think I care as much anymore what others think. I think I am actually becoming that person I always said I was, the  “ I don’t give a frak” person, as this thought process has become more prevalent in my mind ( whether to restrain my speech or to let want I want to say flow) I often think back to how I have lived most of my life.

“Do unto others as they would do unto you” is a mantra that I have lived by most of my life; although, it is a contradiction to how I am feeling about speaking out. If I am to live by this mantra then shouldn’t I also police my words that come from my mouth as to not say something to someone that may in turn hurt them. Now I have friends that say things with no consequence on how it makes others feel, so is this really a good way to be as a person, the accept me for who I am attitude or is it just a way to keep people from getting to close?

If you have read this far you can probably tell that there is many a conflict swirling in my head, and I must continue to analyze them. You’re more then welcome to come along for the ride as I try to figure these things out but I can’t guarantee you will enjoy the ride.

Video..it's a new fad!

Trying to find my path

     So I often sit at my computer for long periods of time trying to figure what it is I want to do, play games, browse the web, come up with some snarky response to some political bull crap that keeps finding its way onto my Facebook page ( which I am still not 100% convinced I am staying there) but I keep coming back to a question that has bothered me for quite sometime now, and I know some might read into this the wrong way but I need you not to.

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

Why am I on this planet?

What is it I am supposed to accomplish?

     Now I  know that at some point in time all of us have had these questions and they often are in times of some period of self doubt or some catastrophe that has occurred like the loss of a loved one or some sort of trauma that causes these thoughts to happen. I know for myself that is not the case, sure I lost both my parents a few years back; however, I am also of the mindset that I know that we will all die, so I dealt with it the best I could and that way was to remember them for all they were to me but I had to still live my life. I tend to linger on things for extended periods of times and maybe somehow the loss of  our house in Florida may still have some sort of small grasp as a sign of my failures , but I do not think that is what causes me to continually ask these questions. I do not think it is a religious thing either, could it be a spiritual thing, maybe but I don't think my mind is in a position to comprehend the many possibilities that may be presented once I start to look in that realm.

     I know one sure thing that always has been a burden on my mind and that is money, I hate it, but yet i covet it with such a wanting desire that it sickens me inside. I hate how we as people have counted so much on money to outwardly define who we are as others see us, while others (most notably my wife) pay no real concern towards what money is and what it does, like my wife always says, " As long as we have each other than we are the richest people alive." And while I do agree with her on principal of that thought I can't help but think that if we had more money than stress would not be what it is to either of us, between student loans, rent, or medical expenses. Money has become the bane of my existence (also algebra)  and I hate that  in order for me to have felt like I have accomplished anything in life that I have to have a monetary showing of that accomplishment pisses me off.

     I don't truly really know who I really am, I do know that when I am in crowded places I develop an anxiety that I can't ever explain , nervousness, sweaty, heart racing, fear. Until I am able to find some sort of moment of clarity that allows me to function outwardly like a normal person should, I still feel all the symptoms inside however I am able to mask them so well that it can't be normal. I know what I love that is easy for me to tell anyone who will listen, I love my wife, my mom, and our baby girl ( Tela in case I never mentioned it) and I love where we live ( I just hope there is more opportunity available to both me and Shelly once all of our schooling is complete) but I don't know if I will ever truly love myself , not knowing who I am as a person is why I think I do not love myself as much as I am supposed to, and ya I know this sounds all kinds of emo and  woe is me  but  if I am ever going to figure out who I am then I need to be as honest in the telling as possible.

     I think my purpose on this planet was to find Shelly and be as loving to her as I can, I truly feel that of all the things in life it is her smile that will always make my heart feel filled with warmth, does it sound sappy? sure but shouldn't the love of your life always make you feel sappy and bring you to the point of emotional nirvana every time you think of them, I know it does for me.

     So I again make a post trying to help my inner self identify more with my outer self and still find that I am as confused as when I began but I do like the fact that every time I put these keystrokes in action I feel a sense of relief come over me.

Till next time

So about that originality thing

So me and the family took a little day trip to Gatlinburg and although it is a decent little tourist spot (trap) I have to wonder how do they survive (stores) every third or fourth store was basically the same merchandise which none to very little was made in the United States of America.

So I got to thinking how do these places survive. How can a business that is only open for part of the year actually turn a profit. Is the mark up that high ? Are the wares that are being sold actually that cheap and inventory cost is so minimal that it has very little impact? Or is it that they have somehow written off the cost of the inventory and or that they get tax breaks that allow them to absorb the costs associated with the business.

So how is it that businesses survive in an area where there are so many similarities between storefronts?

Sitting in Ross

As I am sitting here a plethora if thoughts barrage my mind. Thoughts that if analyzed would probably result in me being prescribed prozac, sadly I think this may not be a bad thing. I am mad at the world when I should not be. The world per say did not do anything to me that it has nor done to anybody else. I have worked since the age if 16 stupidly I sacrificed my education for a paycheck and ow my lack of station in life reflects that. Don't get me wrong but I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world, the beat relationship with a mother in law a guy could ask for. But at times I still feel like an empty shell just going through the motions in a world where my significance is appreciated very few and far between. Maybe this is how a mid life crisis starts . Most guys go out and buy stuff to compensate, but sadly I can't afford it.

Cloudy morning

The clouds in the distance represent my mind very well right now. Bad dreams suck. Hopefully the day gets better.

Lunch

I love the fact me and my wife can sit in silence while we eat and just be content with each others company...ya she's a keeper.

On my terms...

Well it is official I am a free man and of course by free I mean unemployed. This is not something I wanted but I dare to say it is something I needed in order to be motivated to better my station in life. For the past several years I have felt as though I have let my wife down  with my lack of motivation and whether or not this is a psych issue or not is not known as I can't afford one of them there shrinks, but with me being back in school now for a year and things going at a pace that were progressing but not quite as fast as I liked them I think this move can be for the better , I will go down to the school tomorrow and talk to financial aid and possibly see my counselor  and see what my options for getting through school quicker might be.

Ultimatums can be fun

So yeah I let my employer know that I did not accept the position they were moving me to and so now they countered with take it or leave...am pretty sure I will be jobless in the next few days.

Torchlight 2

I find that this game is much more enjoyable than Diablo 3 ever was.

You say you want a revolution?

     When I thought about writing these words down I never really anticipated actually typing them out; however, as I started to build this page it seemed like maybe this might be a way  for me to say what I want without having to restrain myself.  Now that I am typing it seems to be that my mind keeps telling me to type like it's an essay and not free form like it should be but I guess that is what  I get knowing that I have an essay due in a weeks time that I have not even attempted to start, nor do I have the desire to even think about it now with life being in what I like to call a "internal nose dive".

 

     So when I left work on Friday I found out that I was getting moved to a different department, under a boss that I don't quite care for. Also the move does not come with any sort of pay raise, and after 2 1/2 years working for this place and only getting chuckles for responses whenever raises are mentioned I really think I am going to react very verbally not nice tomorrow when I head into work.

     Since when has it become the norm for companies to not offer raises anymore , or is it just in the area I live, while I was growing up I was told that when you worked hard you were rewarded for your efforts, now it seems that companies no longer care about treating employees right and only care about the bottom line on their quarterly statements. There will be people that read this and say things like " But the economy is in poor shape , what do you expect" well first I have two points to make against that: the economy is doing well enough that when I head down to the mall on the weekend I see a mall parking lot that is packed, I see people walking out of Best Buy with new laptops under arm (yes I did mean to pluralize that) and as for the second point I firmly believe that if a company manages itself properly then it should be able to budget in raises for its employees (at least those that deserve it) and it appears as though the company I work for is not the latter for sure. 

     So there is my first rant, thought, or whatever you may want to call it but it's what I got to give for the night. Now I think I just might load up a game that allows me to zone out a bit more before +The Walking Dead  comes on.

Till we meet again

Brian